envoxia.com

Why must you be such a bad liar as to get caught in your lie? Do you know that when I know you’re lying to me it makes my blood boil? Do you even know that I know you’re lying? You know I do, but you keep running your mouth anyway because I am keeping my closed.

You’re a coward for not being able to look me in the eyes and just tell me the truth. What you’re lying about doesn’t even fucking matter, just the fact that you’re lying is enough. You’re even more annoying for thinking that you’re stupid ass is smarter to me. When 2+2 do not equal 4 then you’ve given yourself away completely.

I’m standing there listening to your drivel quietly and calmly without saying a word in response about how I know you’re full of shit. Why don’t I say anything? Because I will explode on your pussy punk ass for not being sure enough of yourself to just tell me the truth, for obviously looking down on me enough to lie badly and think you could just run off with it.

I would point out your lies in the calmest way possible.  You would get defensive and tell me that they were not lies.  I would get offended by your defensive behavior and lying about lying, blow up on you ultimately resulting in no change at all.  You would still be a liar in the end, I would still be pissed.  It would all be for nothing.

How do I know?  Because we’ve done this before.  While maybe not with the same subject but nonetheless the same result because you’re a dense son of a bitch.  You don’t care enough about other people to actually attempt to put any effort into being a stand up individual to them.  But the worst part is the fact that you’re not even strong enough to tell people that you don’t give a fuck about them, you say whatever you have to say to shut the person bitching at you up, making it seem as though you care, but you never really do.  The change lasts a few days, at most a week or two and then it’s back to the same old grind.  You’re weak.

I got to wake up to the sound of an argument the other morning. The only thing I’m thankful of is the fact that it wasn’t my argument. I hear my boyfriend and his brother, who lives with us with his girlfriend¹, arguing over something that gets brought up all the time. He doesn’t pick up after himself.

I can’t count how many morning I have woke up, stumbled out into the living room crusty eyed as hell, and witnessed the mess that my boyfriend’s brother made and failed to clean up before he went to bed. Cups half full of whatever he was drinking, plates that he dirtied and left on the counter or on the floor, game controllers left out and gaming systems left on with the disc still in it. Basically any mess a person could make, he will fail to clean up. So until his girlfriend moved in, I was the one to clean it up. She’s got the wondrous job of picking up after him now, after much struggling to get that to happen².

Just yesterday morning I noticed an empty box of snack cakes sitting on top of the refrigerator. A box that he was not only the last one I saw dig into, but he also took what I knew was the last cake. He pulled the box off of the refrigerator to take the cake out, why not just carry the box with you to the trash can instead of putting it back on top of the refrigerator?

Back to the main topic. I woke up hearing my boyfriend raising his voice to his brother about not cleaning up his mess. Of course the moment I heard this, I wanted to spring out of bed and stand by my boyfriend and yell right along with him. But I woke up to the shit, I was way too tired to SPRING out of bed. Still laying there, the argument turns into something completely different compliments of the boyfriend’s little brother and then I heard the word come out of my boyfriends mouth. You know, the word that is almost surely going to bring the temperature from a simmer to a complete boil whether you’re male or female.

“..that’s why I’m a man and you’re a BITCH!“

At that moment I had a feeling this was going to get physical. I’m not sure why because it never has before, it was just a feeling. Turned out to be a quite accurate feeling as well. A little more alert, I still lay there. I hear the front door open, the storm door slam shut. Then I hear something that’d I’d never actually just heard before³, the storm door being slammed over and over.

At this point I did spring out of bed and run out to the living room only to witness the front door wide open, my boyfriends back and his brothers head repeatedly slamming up against the storm door from the outside. I ran up to the door, tried to open it, but of course this was hopeless. I slam my open palms against the door quite a few times, look my boyfriend dead in the eye when he turns his head and tell them, “THAT’S ENOUGH, BOTH OF YOU!” Maybe it was something in my voice, my actions or both but they both stopped. Completely quit the physical altercation.

These two individuals⁴ have a hell of a way of getting into an argument and just minutes later pretending as if it never happened. That’s exactly what happened that day as well. My lover took the two older children to school and when he got back we just pretended that none of it ever happened. While we pretended, we knew it wasn’t so.

I personally couldn’t help but think about it sporadically throughout the day and came to a realization. When two of our children are fighting, my reaction is exactly the same. Does this mean that not only am I raising four children, soon to be five, but also two grown ass men? I must say it kind of tickled me thinking that I have to treat these adults as I treat the children. I could get frustrated over it this time as I do many others but I felt like it was appropriate to just laugh at these people.

CSS and (X)HTML have never been a serious problem for me. They’re fairly easy and I’ve manage to memorize most of the syntax. When it comes to PHP though, I’m a moron. Given, I may very well be a moron in general but my retardation spans much further when speaking of PHP. It’s completely foreign to me, another language that I have never written and have had very little contact with. Wordpress is honestly my first time ever having to implement PHP into my site, which is why I’m still using the default layout for Wordpress.

I enjoy web design. I may not be what most consider artistic, creative or even original, I never claimed to be. I enjoy everything from the graphical layout to the coding to displaying my creation. Even though I will sit and practically fist fight the keyboard sometimes before my coding is as perfect as I can possibly make it I still enjoy doing it.  So, the idea of using a template completely constructed by someone to whom I’ve never even spoken and I surely didn’t give up any loot, doesn’t appeal to me.

For now the default will stay while I post my bitches, rants, opinions, and general drivel.  Wish me good luck with incorporating the PHP portion into this site.  I would have to credit some random bastard for the creation of this site when I want nothing more then to make it mine.